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I know what you’re thinking. You’re worried I’m going to tell you to ditch your phone and spend hours on the floor playing with your kids, but I’ve got a better plan.

I want to share 3 R’s that will lead you to a healthy relationship with your phone and your family.

Are you ready?

They are rituals, rewards, and recharging.

Cling to family rituals and make them screen-free. Things like family dinner, an evening walk, game nights, reading aloud, chores, singing together or playing instruments, nightly football toss, nightly backrub or foot rub for your teens. What are those sacred spaces and hours when screens will be set aside in favor of connection with those we love?

Create personal boundaries around your device so your children and spouse know that you are available and present. Use a charging station.(Share charging station.) Define the bookends to your day. No one will be perfect at this, but deciding on boundaries ahead of time will help! You can decide what will work best for you: Some boundaries that have helped me, especially as a mom running a business, is to leave all devices out of bedrooms and bathrooms. We reserve our bedrooms for rest, relaxation, and relationships. I don’t use social media on Sunday’s.

Boundaries = love.

When you first heard this you might have thought I was going to tell you to create a reward chart.  I actually don’t teach that because when we use screens as a reward or a punishment, we give the screens too much power. Instead, I encourage families to create a family tech plan together so boundaries are in place ahead of time which will help eliminate any screen time battles in the first place, and then make an effort to reward your kids with your time. Perhaps you have an older child who wants to watch a YouTube video about how to build a rocket out of LEGOs.  Decide how long that will take, let them watch nearby while you get something done, then when his/her time is up, you can say, “Time’s up, let’s go jump on the trampoline or let’s play that board game.”

One-on-one dates can be planned. They can also be simple. It’s one of my favorite ways to bring more love into the home.

I believe your kids would rather be with you than be on a screen. I challenge you to test it out! What would they like to do?

Get out a giant post-it note or whiteboard and make a list of screen-free family activities that you love to do together. What do you wish you had more time for? Those are the things that should go on this list. Then when someone is bored or has spent too much time on a device, you can refer to this list. 

Decide how you will model screen-free recharging. What’s something you could do for even 10 minutes each day away from a screen that will bring you sanity and peace?

Encourage your kids to spend time away from homework, away from devices and distractions, and allow their mind to wander. Big tech and devices are fighting for their attention, and one of their greatest resources: their childhood.

It’s up to us to preserve it.

Through creating screen-free rituals, rewarding your kids with your time instead of screen time, and finding ways to recharge sans screens, you can replace the likes on your phone with love in your home.